Ding and my hair

My youth was an interesting time. I tried to be many different things. Finally I settled on tomboy, chopped off my hair to almost a copy of David's, and refused to wear the skirts and dresses I wore before then.
One day, Mom and I are going to town to pick up David from school. It was a normal thing, but that day, Mom went to a gas station before we were to pick up David. She needed smokes, or something. Never the less, we pulled up to the window. I was sitting in the back seat, and I waved to the woman who came to serve Mom. Years later I found out her name was Ding. She smiled and waved back, saying to Mom, "You have cute little boy."

I was devastated.

Years later, my hair had gone through a few more butcherrings, and I had dyed it blue. I went back to the gas station with David and his roommate to grab some snacks. It had snowed, so we all wore our heavy coats. I got up to the counter with my stuff, and Ding looked me straight in the face and said, "You so handsome!"

I was crushed.

So, a few weeks ago, I went through her drive through to get a coke only to find the only form of payment I could do was by card. Ding gave me the dirtiest look I'd ever seen, charged me two bucks for a 20 ounce bottle, and it was out of date by a year.

She can't call me a boy again if I boycott the damn place.

>:}

Dirty Chai

The beginning of my junior year of college, I had a bit of a room mate issue. She and I did not mesh well, resulting in some not so savory words said on my part. Well, just before I was to switch rooms, I spent the night in the band room. This was for two reasons: I thought I should leave for my own safety, and I had a hefty assignment due the next day.

So, save for maybe two hours, I didn't get any sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted when it came time to go to school. I got up early enough that I could go get some coffee from a local cafe. Here is what I got: four shots of esspresso mixed with an equal amount of chai. I gulped this down until only half remained and made my way back to campus.

As I got there, I saw Eric, my boyfriend at the time, now husband, about to get on a bus for some art trip. I let him have a swig of my drink, but he finished it off and gave me enough cash to get a new one. So back to the cafe I went, got another drink, and went to class. This all happened within fifteen minutes.

So, there I am in class, the one I had homework due in, no less, jittering in my seat from the large dose of caffien I just had. I start to calm myself down when my desk starts to shake. Then the walls, the floor.

Oh my god, I thought, I'm hallucinating on caffien!

The girl sitting next to me turns and says, "Dude, are you feeling this earthquake?!"

I let out a breath, put a hand to my heart and exclaim, "Oh, thank god! I'm not the only one!"

Kids say the cutest things 2

My niece Alanna was bearly able to talk at this time. She couldn't pronounce her f's or sh's. Instead of an f, she would say b, and instead of sh, she would say tch.

My mother and I got a laughing riot out of giving the poor girl a package of gold fish to snack on. Alanna would pick one up and try to say "fish". This evolved into her going "Fish fish fish fish." That was one of the best rides home ever.

O-fingies

I'm not quite sure how it came about, but as a child, if there was no word for something, I would make one up. That is how this story started.

Mom would wake me up in the morning to get me ready for school. I didn't yet know how to do my own hair, so she would do it for me. She'd brush though it, and at the time it was so long it went down to my hips. Then she would ask how I wanted it styled.

One day, though I don't remember when it started, I asked if she would put an o-fingie in my hair. For the life of her, she could not figure out what an o-fingie was. This went on for months.

Finally, she asked me what one was in such a way that she got her answer. I held up a hair tie that she would use to put my hair up and said "O-fingie."

To this day, we still use that word. It is less of a mouthful than "hair tie" or "pony tail holder."

Kids say the cutest things

When I was little, I had come down with the chicken pox. I honestly don't remember much of it because of how young I was, but something must have stuck.

A couple months later, I may have been a grand total of four years old, a man came to our house to fix the cable. He was covered in bright red freckles, which I had never seen before. I came up to him and asked, "do you have the chicken pox?"

He and Mom laughed it off, mom being slightly embarrassed. Later she told me what the freckles were.

Mom's name is Charlotte Ruth

My mother is a word play genius. Honestly, anything I can do doesn't even come close to holding a candle to her skill. Yet, I'm very glad to say that David got his wordplay skill from her.

Mom claims an illness called CRS, also known as Can't Remember Shit. So, while we are driving into the parking lot of our local Wal-Mart, she says to David and me, "Don't let me forget to grab _____. I've got CRS."

Without missing a beat, David says, "Oh, you mean Charlotte Ruth Syndrome."

Mom has to stop the car, she's laughing so hard.

Mom says funny things in her sleep

We had gotten home from school and David and I turned on the TV for our afternoon cartoons. Mom was usually sleepy, so she would take a nap on the living room couch. At the time, we were watching the original Mobil Suit Gundam. Amaro was the lead character. At the time, he was depressed and not really taking care of himself, so this little ball-robot-thing would float after him and say, "Eat, Amaro! Eat, Amaro!" David and I were happily chowing down on some of those cookies with chocolate on the bottom with stripes of chocolate on top, the little hole being in the center--I forget what they are called, but we got the dollar brand. Mom, in her sleepiness, says, "Who'd want to eat Amaro?"

David and I met eyes for a solid three seconds and nearly fell to the floor. I'm just glad we didn't choke on those damn cookies.

Of Vivi and Cid

There were many times, countless times, while I was growing up that David would get a new video game. Usually it would be an RPG for one of the playstations, most of them being any one of the Final Fantasy series. I would watch him play for hours, getting into the story, helping him, on occasion, spot the thing he needed in order to continue. Before the games had voice actors, there would be text boxes that would pop up like word balloons in a comic. He would read them to me, making different voices for different characters. In that way, I loved the games. They were a way for my brother to tell me stories. During the battles, we would both be nervous, during the dramatic scenes, we would both be wrapped up in them. It was a time in my life I would not trade for anything.

Things that make me smile 2

My family and I were on a road trip. I don't remember where we were, but there was nothing but flat land and a single cliff-face to my left. My brother David and I were on the subject of gay people. How we got there, I still don't remember. Nevertheless, David had his opinion based off of his first college experience. There was a guy who would stand next to him in the marching band sets who had a rather notable lisp. That was really the only thing that bothered him about the guy, other than he was kind of a know-it-all. Well, as David is explaining his argument to me, he said, "I really don't care if someone is gay, just so long as they don't have that ' My name ith Paul' voice." He said it with such an accurate inflection, it caught me off gaurd. I started laughing and couldn't stop for the next fifteen minutes. I know, because I checked. My parents weren't paying attention to us in the back seat, so they had no idea why I was going crazy. They'd turn and look back at me a couple of times. Finally, when I calmed down, I managed to relay what happened. David hasn't said anything remotely close to that lisp since. I still remember it because it still makes me smile.

Things that make me smile 1

I heard this story from a friend of mine. She and her brother were playing with water guns, but one of them was in the shape of a walky-talky. Her brother had chased her all over the yard and finally cornered her. He laughed triumphantly as he took the walky-talky water gun from his sister and aimed it at her face. However, when he pulled the trigger, the water came spraying back at him! The gun was facing the wrong way. His sister fell to the ground she was laughing so hard.

Denmark and My Hatred of Fleas

One summer my family and I had left on a rather lengthy road trip. All the while that we'd been gone, back home it was raining. So, when we finally get back to our house, I take one step in the door, and literally ten fleas jump onto me. They had escaped the rain by coming to our house through the floor. So, for the next year, I had an ever present issue with the fleas. Why they liked me best, I still don't know. However, a full year of having fleas eventually got to me.

The following summer, I had a dream: My family was surrounding my bed, and to my right a doctor stood. He told me, "Because you have been bitten by so many fleas, you have contracted some sort of cross between cancer and the plague."

"Oh, dear god. Is there anything that can be done to cure me, doc?" I pleaded.

"Sure!" He said, cheerfully. He pulled out a needle full of some sort of liquid. "This vaccine will cure your illness--but I can't give it to you here. First you must go to Denmark, which is now located in China, in order for me to give it to you."

I woke up right at that point and told the dream to my brother. He couldn't stop laughing for a while.